Again - Shakespeare's Monkeys

Again

Does "break lonely afternoons"' mean they become less lonely? I think the placement of the word "lonely" works at cross purposes to the intended effect. I also think "hell" (which should be "Hell") is a bit over the top. The feeling your write conveys is one of loneliness, but even more, of sterility - a relationship that's lost it's connection and, of course, it's warmth. Hell seems a bit too much.

I have less problem with the parenthetical asides. I might suggest for the second a less formal phrasing, such as ‘Blind faith is finally dead'. In anycase, I like this overall. It has some fine images - the curving back, alabaster weakness, and the last 4 lines. Overall, it has a fairly haunting quality.

Alcuin