Minneapolis, Aug 1, 2007

Right now it sounds like baby-talk - not really suiting the theme. Perhaps punctuations would help: "I - fat and short" or "I, fat and short" or perhaps putting the I by itself on a line. Similarly, the angels of S6 and Lethe, usually (mistakenly) associated with Hell don't fit; neither does the laughing. Perhaps ‘ghosts' or ‘spirits' would serve better. I think you've got something worth working with here. It's a shame we're not able to crank them out quickly to be most timely, like some professionals do, but even their quickies are sometimes inferior. I think you should take your time with this. The minimalist approach requires more work than conversational style writing.

Alcuin