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Shakespeare's Monkeys

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Great write!

One suggestion concerns the last 4 lines of S1. The "from you within their sweetly perfumed cocoon" has a dual meaning. Sometimes a writer wants that, but clearly not in this case. I think it would be stronger as:

within their sweetly perfumed
cocoon
I protect myself
from you. 

Another suggestion: S2L6: "feckless" or "futile" instead of useless, depending on which meaning applies best.

Finally, S4L2: Delete "being"; and L4: Delete "that". Both are unnecessary and dilute the whallop of this stanza (and quite a whallop it is!).

One nit: "Angst-filled".

Alcuin

by Alcuin of York on Aug. 6 2007