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I like the 2 sets of rhymes, but might suggest a break halfway through the poem......the meter works well and makes this flow as a song.....perhaps "writ" might read a bit more smoothly than "written"......what do you think about deleting "When" before 'thunder and lightening'......and changing "the" to "one" --- "in one grain of sand" [?]......Kat
by Kat on Jul. 18 2007