More in Morning Song
Morning Song
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Generally, I agree with Stephan. It needs a bit of trimming. My own suggestions are a bit different, but use what you can of both to come up with some of your own ideas.
He slips in
quietly
with the dawn
Startling!
Oh the warmth...
against my back
I shake,
melt into him
converge,
commingle
time wavers,
surrenders
Ignoring sun
I cannot rise
cannot cease
our early morning song
Hope this helps.
Alcuin
by Alcuin of York on Jul. 8 2007