Surrender

You have something interesting here. Perhaps a new form – something that begins as prose, then transmutes to standard poetic voice. On the other hand, nothing wrong with putting this into 3 parts (numbered or not – your choice) with different styles and voices. Or making it all poetry, unified. Another idea would be to state it as 3 parts: Thesis, Antithesis, Synthesis. Again, your decision.
In any case, it has to be tightened because it’s rather wordy, covers a lot of ground, and the subject matter is not sufficiently profound or deep to warrant this many words. (Not to denigrate the subject, but it is about common-people experiences.)
I’m wondering about “here on earth”. What were you trying to convey with the phrase? Perhaps a sub-theme to expand on? If so, expand. If not, I’d say drop it. Don’t be afraid to add some sub themes. At the beginning point where you are now, add more. You can always eliminate some later. When I say tighten the language, the “my illusions” should be just, “illusions”. I’ll save this for comparing with v.2.
Alcuin