She the Sea

First of all, welcome! And, before the hoardes descend upon you with painful poetry breakdown and thoughts - I want you to know, we're thrilled that you're here!

That said -- I have several problems with this piece, none of which are unfixable. (a key thing to always keep in your mind is -- it's your work, if you're comfortable with it, ignore every comment you get,  perhaps the comments might help you get published, or write better, but that doesn't mean you have to follow the advice or take any of it to heart!)

• I think Leanne or Fred are better ones to speak to this, but the meter seems sporadic, which, in turn makes it hard to read. Adding a regular meter to this particular style of rhymed verse, I think would improve it dramatically.

• There's a bit of a fascist/sledgehammery approach here that isn't working for me. At times rather than illustrate your point, you editorialize and narrate a bit too much. I think a reworking without the first person might alleviate that problem.

You have many wonderful images and the general theme/idea of this is perfectly manageable. (liquid mane jumps out at me as does the verb wallows and the word 'bizarre' in S1)

Hope that's helpful.

• stephan