Splitting

Pleased to hear you state that this 'approximates' a Shakespearean sonnet; it doesn't scan perfectly, but that's not critical -- forms are there to be used, and not necessarily to definitively shape a piece of poetry. It can be useful to use a form such as the sonnet, for organising themes and ideas, whether it's octet/sestet, as you have here, or quatrains/couplet; and you seem to have employed the volta for a shift of perspective.

The theme is quite mundane, while the execution is fairly complex, so phrases like 'some random summer hence' made me smile -- an amalgam of informal and pseudo-archaic -- while the alliterative elements helped balance the stacatto sections.

I wondered about the 'strangers struck' until connecting with 'amazed to find', and the last line incorporates grammatical shorthand, which threw me on first reading, but works well in the context, as does the unstressed final syllable.

I think I've written maybe two or three half-decent sonnets, so I'm hoping you'll have more idea about what I'm saying here than I do...