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Dark Side of the Sun
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I really like, very powerful to me.
A couple of suggestions:
In S2 L4, the line is too long, when reading I lost the rythmn.
In S3 you use the word "die" twice, which is your emphasis I believe but could you ot use another more subtle word to replace one. For instance "leave"
Just my rambling thoughts.
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Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
by Shannon McEwen on Nov. 22 2008