More in Juggling Joe And His Talented Toe
Juggling Joe And His Talented Toe
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First of all Jen I can't tell you how wonderful it is to read your work again!
Second, I like this. It is definately marketable. I agree you could possible add imagery for pictures.
Some suggestions:
The line "As big as ten big toes" seems to have an extra beat. so my suggestion would be to either remove the "big" or add to the next line something like "It was SUPER jumbo size"
In the line "With a big grin" maybe add "With such a big grin"??
In the line "With out a care" there seems to be just a little thing missing but I can't point it out. Maybe saying it like "With not even a care"?
Lastly you can ignore all of my suggestions they are just that, becuase I love the poem and will read it to my son tonight before bed!
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
Second, I like this. It is definately marketable. I agree you could possible add imagery for pictures.
Some suggestions:
The line "As big as ten big toes" seems to have an extra beat. so my suggestion would be to either remove the "big" or add to the next line something like "It was SUPER jumbo size"
In the line "With a big grin" maybe add "With such a big grin"??
In the line "With out a care" there seems to be just a little thing missing but I can't point it out. Maybe saying it like "With not even a care"?
Lastly you can ignore all of my suggestions they are just that, becuase I love the poem and will read it to my son tonight before bed!
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
by Shannon McEwen on Apr. 18 2007