A serious question: Why is this not a poem?

"Is it or isn't a poem.  And who is rght and who is wrong?"

If someone would care to present a universally applicable definition of 'poetry', then we can decide whether or not Anstey's musterpiece is a poem and put this one to sleep. Otherwise, if it's written as a poem, it's a poem, and if not, it's not.

Perhaps we should all adjourn to the 'what is bad poetry' lounge and continue our pontifications there :>