Temper,Temper

having sat and edited mine for awhile, I have an insight as to where Stephen's went astray.  Laurie's poem was built around the metaphor of tea and apparently the impatience of waiting for it.  Stephen lost the tea metaphor completely, which in my mind loses the heart of the poem, and the humor that Laurie (maybe) built into it.  Where Laurie's poem lost steam, I think, is that it was so buried in adjectives that the metaphor wasn't nearly as apparent as it should be.

What I enjoyed most about trying my own version of someone else's poem (collaborative or not) is that it gave me insight (I think) into what another poet was trying to achieve.  Unless I'm entirely mistaken.  In which case, ignore me.