Dying Between Time's Walls

Lord, do I love this.

 And how I would love to workshop this piece.

There is a line I trip on:

"hours of inactivity, made him a metronome."

I love what your saying but the rhythm is off somehow.  The comma?  Inactivity made him a metronome?  I'm not sure.  It's almost there.  It's a tip of the tongue thing.  Poetically speaking.

 And then there is a line that enthralled me!

"his ear near cheek, on left's third hour"

What a great line!  Full stomach, rich!

This is not the stuff you can read on line and digest.  It's a workshop poem.  It's a print out, sit down, sip wine with a group of poets and discuss poem!

 KUDOS!

MY MY MY MY!

Something that makes you think!!!!!