A Question about Poets and Poetry.

Mine may or may not be:
"He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something."
or
"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever." though that one doesn't go far enough...here in the U of K, it would be finished off by an interrogative, such as 'innit?'
Shan - metaphors pass way under my radar - what would I do with a woody?