Coffee Break: 2/28/08

Hello,

First, I want to say that I really like this, and, like Anstey, see so much promise. These are the bones of a poem, it just needs some sinew. But as you have it now, would you consider taking out most of the punctuation and using line breaks as stops instead?

For example: In your first piece, I find the colon unnecessary at the end of the first line. The stop is already there with the line break. This also applies for the comma after "toast." So instead it'd read something like:

breakfast is

eggs and toast

bukowski

and coffee.

--I still like the period at the end. I think you can apply this to each piece, eliminating punctuation, except for question marks and periods. And, having just read through the write again, I don't think you would need to change any of the line breaks.

I am trying to think of a better way to separate/combine each one rather than the line you have now, but I don't think it is ready for any sort of numerals yet. Perhaps if you flesh the piece out a bit, you can apply this.

I'd like to see what comes of this after a little more work. Please let me know if you do! I'd like to see the progress.

-Emeya