More in Coffee Break: 2/28/08
Coffee Break: 2/28/08
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" temples crash down
around us
we are too deaf
to listen when it is fashionable
to be blind.
"
Jas,
I am thinking that what you might be looking for there is a bit of tightening and just a very slight change in the line breaks. I suspect that strengthens the double meaning and makes the whole more active.
by Anstey on Mar. 1 2008