Monet's Garden

Kat, what are you doing to me with all those inversions and archaisms?  "drawing down upon your strength my head", "sprinkle newborn seed in mere a glance", "swirls our clearing"  -- and as for "listen for your voice reign in my story", well that's just not good grammar at all.  The shoulder/ warm blur rhyme -- while conjuring up good visuals -- is just awkward.  You have some excellent lines here, L4-L8 in particular -- I really love "tea stirred with a pardon".  The feminine endings throughout are lovely and soft (that's not really tweaking iambs, technically speaking, because of course everyone knows you just ignore the feminine ).  The swirls and blurs are very Monet and if anything I'd like to see more of those ideas.  There are really good seeds here but I'd be rather hypocritical if I said it was perfect.