https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/user-59-jerseydanielgibson Playing Army Since 2003 en 2005-2012 shakespearesmonekys@gmail.com 42.65593 -71.33391 Tue, 09 Jun 2026 00:03:43 GMT yacs http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 70 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6636-daze-of-the-weak https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6636-daze-of-the-weak M-F, 9-5. This is a pretty standard looking thing in the civilian world, and most everybody can recognize its meaning with little to no explination. Monday through Friday, 9 am to 5 pm, your standard work week. Many are fortuante enough to work this illustrious time schedule, much more prized for those who don't work it. The military is that *wink-wink* 24/7 job where day's off aren't guarentted. 24 Hour Duties. 2 Week Training Missions. Deployments. Even federal holidays come under fire. It's always Monday in the military. As a joke, I made a mock "work week" for several people, and I will repost it for your amusement. Don't worry, no animals were harmed in the making of this schedule. ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Thu, 27 Dec 2007 15:25:49 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 2 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6636 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6636 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6636 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6525-how-to-speak-like-a-solider-.-vol.-4 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6525-how-to-speak-like-a-solider-.-vol.-4 Volume 4. This along provokes a look of envy as you come to talking to your normal Joe Civvie as he scratches his head, wondering what you are talking about. Yes, the continuation of the popular "How To Speak Like A Soldier" continues... This is how to speak like a solider... volume 4! Black (pron) - The Army has deemed to make things 'crayola', by describing their effectiveness by colors. Green is 90% or better. Amber is 75% to 89%. Red is 51% to 74%. Black is 'your pretty much fucked.' This has been around for quite some time. Probably made by some staff puke in the Pentagon. ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Tue, 25 Dec 2007 06:25:00 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 1 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6525 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6525 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6525 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6421-silent-soldiers-the-heroes-at-home https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6421-silent-soldiers-the-heroes-at-home People thank members of the military. While this wasn't always true, or even popular, it is good to hear that we are appreciated. I was talking to my wife the other day, and it breaks my heart to hear her problems. The car's broken. Cat(s) sick. Some asshole feels the need to make facist remarks to her about being a military spouse and supporting her husband through 15 months of hell and frustration. I made a comment on something she wrote the other day, what I call the "Waiting Game", what spouses (there are military husbands) do when their significant other is off overseas, be it the Middle East, Asia, Europe, or Africa. (Note: locations withheld) I told her I couldn't imagine what it was like, and how I didn't think I had the strength to go through something like that. ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Thu, 13 Dec 2007 00:16:55 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 4 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6421 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6421 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6421 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6418-between-iraq-and-a-hard-place https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6418-between-iraq-and-a-hard-place Ever have that situation? That one where you know you're totally screwed, yet you somehow manage to put on an idiotic grin and somehow make it through, proving that God does indeed love a fool? So here's mine... We were in the local mayor's office for the largest city in our sector. The commanding officer wanted to do a 'meet-and-greet', along with several other officers and other self-important apparatichix. My duty was to make sure they didn't wander off and get lost, or get themselves shot. It's a full-time job. So, the 'space ants' (plus yours truely) went into the mayor's building, and those wonderful officers went t the mayor's office to shoot the shit. My job was to guard outside a thick metal door that locked on the inside. ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Tue, 11 Dec 2007 03:03:43 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 3 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6418 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6418 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6418 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6417-of-looting-and-shooting https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6417-of-looting-and-shooting It's a thrill, looking at a house. You go to look at that new apartment, check ot that two-story wonder that finally passed escrow. Hey, it has a yard big enough for the dog and the kids? My thill? Kicking the goddamn door down and raiding that bitch like the FBI. It's every line animal's wet dream; the raid. Adrenaline junkie and action-movie thrill can't match wits with the form and flow of a bunch of men dog-piling a house like the defensive line of the Chicago Bears. Shouts, screams, the rush of feet moving as you barge your way in, like a man possessed. Sure, it's dangerous. But people don't parachute for the safety factor. ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Mon, 10 Dec 2007 12:06:01 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 1 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6417 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6417 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6417 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6161-the-whole-novelization-process-. https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6161-the-whole-novelization-process-. My have stoopid! Help! jerseydanielgibson Novel Ideas, Short Inspiration & Spew Mon, 03 Dec 2007 21:36:49 GMT /section-273-novel-ideas-short-inspiration-spew#comments 2 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6161 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6161 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6161 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6160-the-whole-novelization-process-. https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6160-the-whole-novelization-process-. My have stoopid! Help! jerseydanielgibson Novel Ideas, Short Inspiration & Spew Mon, 03 Dec 2007 11:52:38 GMT /section-273-novel-ideas-short-inspiration-spew#comments 0 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6160 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6160 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6160 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6102-how-to-speak-like-a-soldier-.-some-more https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6102-how-to-speak-like-a-soldier-.-some-more Back by (unpopular) demand! Throughout the years, military lingo has always inserted itself into normal civilian talk, until it is commonplace. You still see some Civil War, WWI, WWI, Korean, and Vietnam lingo floating about in the Webster's Dictionary, or out of your very own mouth. Here's a jumpstart for the next set of warwords. Here's how to speak like a soldier... some more! Snatchmobile (adj) - No, it isn't a 'pimped' vehicle that you and your buddies go out in to pick up women. It is a Hatch-Back Humvee with space in the back to toss in detainees. We can thank the men and women in the British Royal Army for this gem. It is priceless. ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Tue, 04 Dec 2007 06:18:27 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 1 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6102 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6102 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6102 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6097-how-to-speak-like-a-soldier-.-again https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6097-how-to-speak-like-a-soldier-.-again Yep, you guessed it! Straight from my mouth to this blog page are the subtle intracacies of the Army Lingo! So, hopefully, the next time you encounter a soldier, your mouth won't drop, making you look like a buffoon!  Here's how to speak like a soldier... again. Rat-Fuck (v) - to rat-fuck, to going through some package or goodies, and take only what you want, leaving the rest for some poor sucker. ex. PVT so-n-so just rat-fucked all the MRE's for some Skittles!. This one has been in use probably since C-rations... Donkey Dick (n) - Not an enderment of manliness size, but instead, a fuel spout. Put it into a gas can and you can add fuel without spilling gas all over the place. Some poor civilian found this one out the hard way one night when I asked him "Do you have a Donkey Dick?". Lord knows who invented it, but you can imagine the implications. ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Sat, 01 Dec 2007 05:00:41 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 1 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6097 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6097 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6097 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6076-a-new-army-commercial-my-own-design https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6076-a-new-army-commercial-my-own-design Be All You Can Be. That age old Army motto, I thought, was one of the best that they ever came up with. IT says it all, and even says what isn't spoken. Great line. The motto "An Army Of One" wasn't too bad either, but "Army Strong" just plain sounds gay. It sounds like a thug with a paper bag with brains lording over the playground, bullying the small school children for their lunch money Now if I could make my own commercial... This stems from two different ideas. The first was a (former) soldier of mine, whose emptyheadedness was almost legendary. If you've ever seen the commercial with that young adult playing some "military" game shooting things, and one of the soldiers knocks on the screen and asks "Hey kid, you're pretty good at this. Wanna try the real thing." ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Thu, 29 Nov 2007 21:32:07 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 7 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6076 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6076 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6076 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6062-holidays-deployed https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6062-holidays-deployed It's that most wonderful time of the year... or something like that. As most of the western world prepares for Christmas, Hanakah, New years, Kwanza, etc., the Army diligently does its best to distract its soldier from the fact that they are in a thrid world country when such normally joyious times come. We're going to deploy a holiday to you! (Can't imagine Ol' Blue Eyes singing this one...) So holidays come and past, loved ones away, surrounded by scenery you'd rather not look at, a paunful reminder that you're "over there". No Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. No giant Christmas tree in NYC. No New Year's bash. Just a bunch of work to be done with no overtime whatsoever for working on a federal holiday. ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Sat, 24 Nov 2007 10:01:27 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 0 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6062 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6062 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6062 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6052-how-to-speak-like-a-soldier https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6052-how-to-speak-like-a-soldier You're walking down the street, and you see a young man, with practically no hair save for some fuzz on the top, athletic build, and crude by nature. He swears, he drinks, he womanizes, and he has no taste or refinement whatsoever. Chances are, you just ran into one of the many people serving in the United States Armed Forces. Soliers have thier own language. Even today, there are words that soldiers invented in WW 2, WW 1, and even the Civil War, in circulation in the English Language. Today is no different. There are many slang terms that a soldier uses, and none will appear in a Webster's Dictionary. Here's how to speak like a soldier. ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Mon, 26 Nov 2007 17:35:55 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 2 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6052 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6052 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6052 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6047-how-to-sell-your-work https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6047-how-to-sell-your-work It seems that everytime I crack some book on "how to sell/publish your book" (a misnomer if I ever, a book on how to sell a book...) it seems that the book thinks that you are Tom Clancy or at Least Hemmingway, where pubishing houses and other apparaticks will fall over trying to give you contracts. They seem to gloss over many things, like the true Editing process, or how to shine up your work to make it more... well, sellable. The one true thing I've found is what they want to see. They don't want the whole blaming thing, they want a portion. Title, synopsis (like what books got on the back cover, that's pretty standard) and the first 20-30 pages. ... more jerseydanielgibson Articles, Memoirs & Essays Mon, 18 Feb 2008 18:26:24 GMT /section-272-articles-memoirs-essays#comments 8 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6047 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6047 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6047 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6033-what-do-you-mean-it-s-broken https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6033-what-do-you-mean-it-s-broken How to not take blame in the Army: Step 1: Did you break it? If not, you're good! If yes... Step 2: Can you fix it? If so, you're good! If not... Step 3: Can you hide/switch it? If so, you're good! If not... Step 4: Can you blame somebody else? If so, you're good! If not... You're screwed!   jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Mon, 19 Nov 2007 02:07:46 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 2 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6033 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6033 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6033 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6024-fight-club-iraq https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-6024-fight-club-iraq Ah, Iraq. Nothing makes my day more special than waking up to the sound of a recorded Imam's singing, the sand blowing in the wind, the smell of unwashed livestock and human bodies ever present. Driving through the third-world villages, reminecent of the Flintstones, except the huts are made of mud and hay, it's amazing that these people live in the 21st century. Fecal-infested water, compounded with trash, urine, animal waste, and run-off, make intersting gutters right through the living areas and roads of the villages. A people in which plumbing and garbage disposal aren't a concept, and the word "conservation" only gets you a blank stare and a confused look. ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Fri, 16 Nov 2007 05:26:45 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 1 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/6024 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/6024 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A6024 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-5953-guardin-hajjie https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-5953-guardin-hajjie Local Nationals, otherwise known as LN's. In the civilian verbatum, you would know them as the locals who inhabit whatever country you happened to be in. To us in the Army, (and I'm sure in the Marines, Air Force, and Navy, too) we have our own universal word; Hajjie Hajjie - A muslim person on Hajj, the pilgrimage that they take one a year during Ramadan to complete the 5 Pillars of Faith Hajjie (Army) - Someone who happens to be a Middle Easterner. Not an enderment. Think 'Charlie' from Vietnam...   Since the Army (and those other branches) never have enough people to do the things that need to get done, we hire 'Local Nationals' to take care of it. Dumping trash. Cleaning showers. Emptying the Porterjohns. Unfortunately, some poor sap needs to 'guard' these LN's while they make their merry way through the base, so that they don't do anything stupid. ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Sat, 10 Nov 2007 07:14:49 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 0 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/5953 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/5953 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A5953 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-5943-how-does-this-thing-work-again https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-5943-how-does-this-thing-work-again 220v/50hz. For all those born in the Western Hemisphere, you're probably wondering what the hell I am talking about. "Don't we Americans use 110/60?" Absolutely correct, if it ever comes into question. But here, in the Middle East, plugs and power are like a roulette wheel. There are no les thn 4 different plug types here, some of which amazes me that they work at all. I don't think Iraqi's have invented power polarization, yet...  At night, watching the (3rd world) country side, I can see the lights of the houses and buildings in the distance, of farmsteads and villages. Without warning, those mute glows will be extinguished, as if God turned off the switch, and everything will go black. Not one light to be seen. I always wondered why Iraqi lighters had LED flashlights at the end of them, these little disposible BIC lighters that all Iraqis carry (because they all smoke), and when you see the power go off, fail, die; you understand. ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Thu, 08 Nov 2007 04:33:47 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 0 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/5943 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/5943 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A5943 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-5917-holy-cow-moly https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-5917-holy-cow-moly Just when you think you've seen it all... Travelling down the streets of the local 'city' in our sector, early morning. The bazaars are closed, there are no cars in site, and the people have yet to get up as the Imam's pray begins with the rising of the sun. The 'city' is quiet, thankfully as we drive through, our eyes scanning for threats. As we round one corner, my eye catches movement and I immediately focus on what looks to be an upturned cow leg... kicking in the air. wtf? As I look closely, I see this Iraqi/Kurd/whatever with a machette, chopping into some baby cow, the blade burying deep into its guts. The leg kicks and flails as I see an interesting spray of blood coming from the poor cow's abdominal region. ... more jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Sun, 04 Nov 2007 13:04:05 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 0 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/5917 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/5917 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A5917 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-5916-break-a-leg https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/article-5916-break-a-leg The other day, I damn near broke my neck while we drove through an nice bumpy field full of wahdi's. My head got turned into a pool ball and got myself a nice case of whiplash. The things you got to do to get a day off... jerseydanielgibson Welcome back, Jers... Sat, 10 Nov 2007 07:02:58 GMT /section-467-welcome-back-jers-.#comments 1 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/post.php/article/5916 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/comments/feed.php/article/5916 https://dev.shakespearesmonkeys.com/links/trackback.php?anchor=article%3A5916