Haggard

Rene made an excellent suggestion, in my opinion, largely because it breaks the somewhat monotonous rhythm of the lines - which currently sound rather flat and weepy. By incorporating repetition and changing the order of a few, you break up the monotony, create a more varied grammatical rhythm and let the strengths of what you've written shine through a little more clearly. A little enjambment wouldn't hurt either, or a more nuanced approach to language. But again, this poem is several years old. Do you really intend to work on it?