Dinner Time

How you explain it is pretty much exactly how I read it. What I like about this poem is the way it ends, and how you set up that ending. What seems to be lacking is how you build the metaphors into the details of the meal, or perhaps how you express it. What you have, though, is very rich with possibility, and I think if you look for a more striking grammatical structure for each line and sentence, as well as a greater complexity of emotion (and metaphor) to weave into your description, the poem will open up into something really striking. Maybe find a way to work in a greater sense of conflict, or more layers of meaning. Look at each place where the poem relies on adjective or adverb, and find a more direct means of conveying the thought or mood - not by stating the mood but by portraying something concrete which pulls a similar mood out of the reader. It's difficult, but I wouldn't give up on this one Rene. Its definately a good start, though it might be frustrrating to get it to where you want.