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Why do you want to delete 5,6,7? I rather like them. They flow.
The one that I didn't like was stanza 2, it sounds very awkward to me. Mostly the first line "while truth that opposites attract". I know what you're getting at, but it isn't well worded. Also the lines "Instead of missing pieces
I proffer all I be" don't sound right. Just to me, slows down the rest which has a pretty neat cadence. I really like the opening and closing stanzas.
The one that I didn't like was stanza 2, it sounds very awkward to me. Mostly the first line "while truth that opposites attract". I know what you're getting at, but it isn't well worded. Also the lines "Instead of missing pieces
I proffer all I be" don't sound right. Just to me, slows down the rest which has a pretty neat cadence. I really like the opening and closing stanzas.
by ShannonV on Feb. 15 2007