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He wants an Army
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This is simple and direct in style, but the individual images & metaphors are interesting. At the end, we have a clear idea of the relationship and of the other person.
A few things I suggest: In S4, I would eliminate "that". It's unnecessary and dilutes the impact. I think the "every breath" of S5 should definitely be on a separate line. In S11, "words that make no sense" needs tightening. I suggest just "senseless words". In S12L1, it should be "them", not "it".
I liked best the "strobe lighting and lust" line. It's inventive, unique, completes the metaphor well, and alliterates nicely. Mostly, this poem could benefit from some minor tightening of language.
Alcuin
by Alcuin of York on Jul. 26 2007