Surrender

Triple-X rated (Extremely exceedingly excellent). You didn't just pare around the edges; you added and cut, and originated new material. In short, your editing was creative. I laughed at, "Perhaps, She’s on to something. I’ll invite Her for coffee and rolls."
I have a bit of trouble only with,
"in the fall that washes away visions of".
Crumbling and washing don't go together. Perhaps "shedding" or another verb more compatible with crumbling and falling - lots of possibilities here.
Very nicely done.
Alcuin