shallow

I tried, really I did, to come up with suggestions for changes but every line seems to feed into every other line and your motifs of the puddle and the eyelids in particular are well handled and continue logically throughout.  The parentheses all seem to be in the right spots and are not overused despite their frequency. 

I keep coming back to "once, after praying for eyelids" and thinking I wish I'd said that.  I wonder if the truly shallow ever realise how shallow they are, and if it takes an understanding of depth to think yourself shallow in the first place?  I am thought-provoked and happy