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Hearts Like Unopened Boxes
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L4 bothers me a bit, specifically, the "when". The sentence contains double adverbs - "already" and "when". I'm not sure why either adverb is necessary, but definitely not both.
The theme is powerful and evokes a lot of recognition because it's common - an experience so many of us have had.
As a personal preference, I like to see a bit of punctuation in a poem. The lack of it is no flaw (its the style of our age), and does give us something to ponder. However, the theme here is already sufficiently profound to evoke lots of thinking.
BTW, what does "DMV" stand for?
Alcuin
The theme is powerful and evokes a lot of recognition because it's common - an experience so many of us have had.
As a personal preference, I like to see a bit of punctuation in a poem. The lack of it is no flaw (its the style of our age), and does give us something to ponder. However, the theme here is already sufficiently profound to evoke lots of thinking.
BTW, what does "DMV" stand for?
Alcuin
by Alcuin of York on Apr. 26 2007