Pieces

Don't you dare lose an ounce!

But besides that, Ruth is right about S3, pull it out and rework it as its own poem.

S2, I think you might want to break into the two thoughts. The first stanza, "I eat..." the second "I sit..." the third "I watch..."

I find the idea of you watching a river roar in your ears sort of interesting as well.

However, I think the poem does weaken a bit towards the end. Not that it's bad there either, but the opening is quite strong, and I don't think the end measures up until the last stanza, which I find quite amusing. I wish I wrote those lines.