The Performance of Paradise Has Been Cancelled

Between finger and thumb,
the roll and lick of lone ideas
in translucent paper burning,
until you have forgotten what they are.
Exhaling existential ghost's odour,
destruction's decay clings before euphoria's sweet smell
gives way- your eyes close,
opening the iron gate.

L1 Which finger?

L2 Nice consonance.

L4 This seems a bit weak to me.

L5 I think the word 'existential' is a bit unnecessary

L6 Likewise "destruction" seems unneeded I'd line break after 'clings'

L7 I'd bring gives way up a line

L8 Hrm. I'm not sure I get it.
 
You crawl, a vapour between bars
to sleep beneath a naked tree.
The garden knows you will not wake
unless her stolen leaves put out
your dreams of breathing
your first emptiness.
 

L3 I'm not sure about the personification of garden here, but I'll roll with it. 

L4 "put out" put me out. I don't think that's a great verb choice there.

A hazy hissing lifts hungover lids,
the prison's panic of approaching clarity,
you flee- stopping only to thieve
another knot of fragrant buds, ensuring
your return to finite freedom
will be tolerable.

L3 thieve=steal -- I dont' really like thieve as a verb there. Possibly pilfer, abscond or steal, but thieve just seems kinda icky  

 All in all I think this can get somewhere, but I don't think it's there yet.