Ode to Displacement

Ah, nothing like "golden shafts of phallusy"... yeah, clearly that's my fantasy and not yours.  Though to be honest, I could do without the golden part, that's just icky. 

"Melodrama manages" is mucking up for me.  Technically you've got the meter spot on (through the whole thing, which is an achievement) but all those m sounds are drawing that part out a little too long to my reading.  Alliteration is awesome but I think in this case you might need to think about ditching manages.  You've got loads more mmms anyway.

You've stuck loads of clever little ironies in and that always makes me happy.  I can't believe you don't have enough moral fibre -- what substitute do you use to give you the shits? 

I am afraid your dwarf has been lost down the cushions of the couch, because this is actually one of the more gigantic works I've seen for quite some time.  (a) you've pulled off a Sapphic (don't even think about the contradictions there) and (b) you've made sarcasm and puns into something rather poignant.  Now, if you can't handle compliments I'll stop there -- no I won't.  It's really, really, really, really a little bit good.