Stigmata Diabolic

My first impression is an evocation of the atmosphere that pervades 'Deep' (Pearl Jam), which must be a good thing (unless, of course, you happen to hate Pearl Jam :>)
I agree with Kat about the 'jerking off' stanza, but not with her suggestion. 'In the bathroom' is appropriately stark but, to me, the 'deep under covers' line is way too clichéd considering the naturally perverse nature of your stuff Mos.

A footnote diversion: I don't know if you're familiar with PJ's 'Ten', but I'll spew my irritation here anyway :> 'Jeremy' got the airplay, 'Black' was universally praised, but for me, those last three tracks (Garden, Deep & Release) finished that album off to perfection - almost as good a run as the first four tracks on Vitalogy. Ok - I'm all thrown-up now - thank you for your indulgence...

Oh, and yes, I've noticed your tendency towards 'structure' lately - it does make it tighter, and I think it adds intensity.  Also, it suggests some consideration for the reader - so, you'd better ditch that shit before people start referring to you as a poet

On a less serious note - 'I wander lonely as a cloud'!! Yeh - I laughed...I remember starting something a while back back with 'I wandered lowly as a crowd/that seeks originality'

• not that original, but it had some effect, as it does here (