dead space

I think that your reasoning is perfectly valid. I think the fact you already thought of it tells me you should just leave it as is. It's a very very good piece of writing. I have to tell you, what i find most amazing Norm, isn't that you can write this poem, it's that you can write this poem and the poem about the fox. (which remains my favorite of all your work that i've seen, and possibly one of my favorite poems ever)