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Thank you for the suggestions......I'll definitely be reviewing them when I have a bit more time......though I may not have been clear with the little tag about intentionally tweaking the iambic pentameter.......I inserted 11 sybs in every other line, starting with line 1, intentionally.......up until the last couplet......just for a little variety.....actually, my inspiration to try that was leanne......she once said you must first know the rules before you can break them, and since the English sonnet is about the only form I can remember without researching it, I tried to break the rules.......though leanne didn't like my archaic word choice and style on this one [!]......and I thought she loved will 
by Kat on Feb. 21 2008