I failed to see what was not there

Yes Tracey - I think you're right.  It was the line that generated the idea, and was meant [originally] to set the scene - the passive nature of the experience, and to establish that the subject was 'present'. but I guess it's superfluous, given what follows. So I'll revisit and probably go with your suggestion - thanks.

My 'way with words' is sporadic at best - aphasia kicks in between serving sentences, and poetry is invariably an 'inside job' for me