The Flesh Collector

aka Structural Deficit Redaction? [an entirely objective supplement to a recent discussion subject]

Eyes wet, I strain

through blinding pain

in all but vein

my trite refrain...

No matter, I'm saved

from a death worse than fate

the mere sight of your name

lends my poem some weight.

I'm seduced by your facility

to engender credibility

by apotheosis, jealousy

or indulgence of your ministry.

Ok--let's be pragmatic

put the toys back in the attic

scour the basement for the reason

you are constantly in season

...

Several hours of research later

I have yet to find, besides

perverse sub-cultural disfavour

why your work is sanctified.

Just me, I guess; a mortal hack

complaining at my utter lack

of gifted voice and matching fingers

drumming whilst your echo lingers.

Maybe you were just a freak

right face, right place, rye time technique;

or thread of genius set free

to screw its place in history?

Reluctantly

I drop your name

into my lame apology

for poetry, its claim to shame

reflected glory, bathed in fame.

And so I wait

for

the

inevitable

a miracle

a transformation

obscurity to celebration.

Charles Bukowski; you're a star

though still I wonder what you are.

Anstey -
Laura, this is such a bizarre and interesting twisted little poem. It's so ironically anti-bukowski whilst being ANTI-bukowski. The clever inversions of cliche and uses of cliche to create a different thought are rather interesting, and the pounding nasty almost hurtful rhyme stresses home the anti-bukowski-osity of this.

Derma Kaput -
I'll echo the head monkey's anti & ANTI remarks. brilliant juxtaposition of form against subject matter. I love it when a poet adds what is essentially non-verbal depth to a poem. Of course the language makes the non-verbal happen (duh) but that is what the true economy of poetic language does - it adds something else that doesn't immediately meet the eye. Very nice job Laura.

Jen -

This is a very cool write. It has a great rhytem and flow and the rhymes are right on. I really like the twinkle, twinkle little star ending too:)

Leanne -

GET

OUT

HEAD!

Aphasic -
Thanks Derma :> Yes, the ANTI/anti thing seemed appropriately inappropriate, especially since I started out writing in a style more like that of Bukowski [unstructured] than I've been 'discovering' & exploring since becoming a member here - it can ony get better (?)
I've mastered the crap - the good stuff to come...

Aphasic -

Thanks Jen - I wonder how I knew you'd appreciate the ending?

Unfortunately for you Leanne, I like it there - much more productive than my own :>

Aphasic -
Did you know, Derma, that although you may not have inspired this melange itself, you did inspire the idea. The 'bridge' thing was one that made an impression on me, and was the one example to persist in my memory because the reference did not strike me as gratuitous.
I'm somewhat slow at times, but this belated flash of recognition has given me a pleasant surprise - and that's kind of rare for me :>

Derma Kaput -
I'm so out of it sometimes - I started thinking bridge? bridge? oh yeah. anyway, that's pretty cool. you might have just made my day. except most of my days are pre-fabricated.

Aphasic -
Then I might well have made it Derma - you should get a new supplier :>