Why I write - Shakespeare's Monkeys

why I write

Draft #2

On the mantle
above the warm embers
from last nights blaze
of pine and nostalgia

the glass atop the picture
of my grandmother
on her wedding day
is cracked
in the cherry frame
given to her by Aunt Kaye
and Uncle Leo.

"It is sand,"
I tell myself,
"melted sand.

Nothing more."

But nothing is more
than those ancient memories
of perfect love.

I stir the soot
holding the wood
at the top of the iron rod,
watching each fleeting
moment of orange light,
and every retreat of red
into gray
into black.

I glance again
at the photo and
how the crack slices her
asymmetrically

like her life, I think.
too much on one side
not enough on mine.

The dress seems silkier
in this photo than
it did when i touched it
in her attic.

The last ember disappears,
there is no heat now
there is no memory
but the bits of pine far to the
edges

that do not tell the story
of the flames.

There is rice on the ground
at her feet, scant seconds before
she and her groom descended
into 42 years of wedded bliss
and a black Oldsmobile.

"Congratulations! Congratulations!
I love you, good luck!" I hear
Grampie Durgin's voice in my heart.

His wife crying now that her baby girl
was leaving.

I shut the fireplace,
replace the screen
and turn away
from broken pictures.

I will burn in my own time
I will break in my own way

And here, I will tell you how.

Rene -
I am speechlees(and in tears) after reading this draft Stephan! It reached deep inside my being and touched me on a level that only the artist could understand......
-----
Rene'

I am orbiting, I don't know where, but I am orbiting something!

Anstey -
That is too kind. Thank yoU Rene.
-----

stephan

Tracey -

Wow, Stephan. I'm enchanted with this tribute to your ancestors as well as with the gift of writing they inspire in you. I love so many lines here. I am wild about the ending, especially the"I will burn/I will break"stanza.

Here are some nit picky suggestions that I think will make this even more great than it already is:

The title - I'm not sure about it. It seems misleading and, in fact, I didn't read it right away because I expected something wholly different without the deep emotion.
"nights" needs an apostrophe
the memories might be old, but they're not "ancient"
the line break in "but the bits of pine far to the/edges" strikes me as off in some way
I'd put the black Olds before the 42 years of wedded bliss
If this is the intro to a bigger project, the last line works. If it isn't, the piece can stand without it.

That's it. GREAT writing!

Jen -

My only sugggestion is to change the title. Other than that, it's well done:)

Kat -

maybe you write to bear witness to that which no one can predict, yet everyone plays a part......the passing of time and our inability to go back and change the living of life which has already gone before......no matter how seemingly perfect or utterly painful......whether a day or a millenium ago......as well as everything in between.....and then to face oneself and one's imperfection and mortality.......you've done an excellent job of weaving the "personal" within those universal themes......Kat

Shan -

careful Stephan you may have shown some girly emotion here!

it's beautiful.

-----
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Life is what happens while you wait for great things.