The Silver Apples of the Moon

A few suggestions: S3: “My shoulders tired from hunching / making room for others’ waste”. I think it’s a bit cleaner. Also, in S11, I think “see / will” would work better than “saw / would”, unless the “when” were changed to “if”. In the last strophe, “hasn’t” sounds better to my ear.
I haven’t read Yeats, but I will. In any case, your poem should stand on its own as well, and overall I think it does so rather well. I like your assonances, and the style of their use, which I have also become attracted to in my own writing lately. I see a lot of other places where the lines could be tightened a bit here and there. I also like the way you placed, “Like a fossilized peacock” in it’s own strophe, serving to complete the thoughts of the ones before and after.
I think you’re developing an interesting approach, and I hope you keep perfecting it so we can enjoy more of these.
Alcuin