2- Callooh 
on June 7 2008
nearly did the same thing myself - have the bruises to prove it...
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Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.
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More in Twist in the Wind Discuss: Twist in the WindI fell, broke my wrist I had surgery, and I was a dumbass for being on the ladder in the wind with no one holding it2- Callooh |
1- Anstey
on June 6 2008
first of all, I've missed ya Kee! Second of all, I love the story of this. Your frustration and irritation are clear - and I think that alone makes this fun to read through. However, I do think as a whole it needs some tightening. There are bits of editorializing in the final two stanzas and redundancy that could be pared down to strengthen the piece as a whole. You might also want to take care with your verbs in S1 - keep them as present and powerful as possibe. For example - in the first stanza why whisking instead of whisk, cleansing instead of cleanse?
I also wondered Why 'Intellectual Simpleton' instead of just simpleton?
Good stuff Kee, glad to see you around.