2- Pags 
on Oct. 27 2007
This is pretty damn good. So much so that all I have are quibbles. So I will quibble
Why the question mark at the end of line one? The end of the question is actually at the end of stanza 4 where a natural break occurs anyway. Or right at the end if the whole is one sentence rather than the 2 I see it as. I'd be tempted to remove it entirely to allow for the alternative readings of this, but maybe that's just me.
I would change 'when' in line 2 to 'as' to make it more in the moment.
In stanza 4 I would have either 'and' or 'then' but not both. To me you do not need the extra word here.
Why the question mark at the end of line one? The end of the question is actually at the end of stanza 4 where a natural break occurs anyway. Or right at the end if the whole is one sentence rather than the 2 I see it as. I'd be tempted to remove it entirely to allow for the alternative readings of this, but maybe that's just me.
I would change 'when' in line 2 to 'as' to make it more in the moment.
In stanza 4 I would have either 'and' or 'then' but not both. To me you do not need the extra word here.
1- Alcuin of York
on Oct. 22 2007
I don't fully understand the last 2 stanzas. Perhaps they refer to events unknown to me and most readers. But I do like the poem.
The first four stanzas are entirely comprehendible, and I especially like the way you used the moon as a character. The entire poem is a single sentence, a form I usually don't care for because it can run on into incomprehensibility, but you've divided it into very short stanzas that nevertheless transition to each separate image smoothly. This makes it work well for me.
Alcuin