Discuss: Angry hibernation of old fear

In the shaded corners of my psyche
A tiny filament
Seemingingly Insignificant
Long elapsed
Unravels little by little

Stains the space where it rests
With old blood
And even older reminiscences
A sluggish poisoning
From the heart it used to inhabit

To the place now planted
Fed by constant disappointment
He so enthusiastically provides
And the question
Why should it matter?

4 comments · Page bottom

1- Rene on Oct. 17 2007

A very deep and thoughtful piece here! I like it a lot and have only one tiny suggestion; try adding 'ly' to the word seeming, it rolls off the tongue much easier when reading aloud.
-----
Rene'

I am orbiting, I don't know where, but I am orbiting something!

2- Alcuin of York on Oct. 18 2007

Goodness, this makes me feel sad. Then again, maybe that's because of what I'm enduring at these days. I have mixed feelings about seeming/seemingly. I tend to agree with Rene, though your choice has some strengths as well. I think that in the last line of S2, the "where" should be deleted. I also suggest you change L1 of the next stanza to "to the place now planted"

Overall, I found this emotionally effective and convincing.

Alcuin

3- Shan on Oct. 18 2007

Thank you both of you for the suggestions, both great!
-----
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

4- Jen on Oct. 19 2007

I have nothing to add just wanted you to know that I like it:)

4 comments