Discuss: Hungry 34

1- Anstey on June 7 2007

I'm curious what the title means?
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stephan

I like the sense of waiting and intrigue in this one. The word 'shame' raises questions that make the reader work after the poem is finished. The title and that one word make me believe the poem is about anorexia. (And the phrase 'stitches me to the ground' makes me think you may be a poet I know from a different context!)

One nit. I dislike the word 'never'. It seems superfluous in context too. I would want a word that works harder for its living - maybe 'unable'. Having said that I find the rest of the poem excellent, and the use of line breaks and space (eg befor the word 'or' masterly.

3- Limeymcfrog on June 7 2007

Anstey:

Honestly, the title is the form I used. I wrote on a subject and then I decided that I would do stanzas of four lines with the first three being three words and the last being four. And then I felt like it needed a shake up so I did a three word stanza toward the end. Since everthing was threes and fours and I thought a detatched title suited the piece I came up with Hungry 34.

4- Limeymcfrog on June 7 2007

Pags:

I'll take a look at that never problem, it is a bit awkward in the line and a bit general of a word, but it's the right word and "unable" wouldn't fit my meaning. There could be an alternative...

I actually wrote this about overeating and being overweight, but now that you mention it, it does work for anorexia.

5- Anstey on June 7 2007

That's a fascinating way to title a piece.
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stephan

6- Anstey on June 7 2007

My tongue and
palate secrete enzymes

That line sticks out a bit, and I don't really think in a good way. The language of it doesn't fit with the rest of the piece, and it actually distracted me.
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stephan

7- White_Feather on June 7 2007

Ah . . . yes. I recognize this feeling! It totally works for either eating disorder. Shame and food. Yuck. I agree that the line "tongue and palate secrete enzymes" is awkward (and the scientist in me which lacks a sense of poetic license says, "it's not the tongue . . . it's the Ebner gland"). ((Please don't use Ebner gland in a poem!!!)) I also wonder about the spoon "sanding" skin . . . do spoons sand? Or is that an intentional phrase. All in all, I really like this poem.

8- Limeymcfrog on June 8 2007

I've revised the errant line. You guys were definitely right, it was a bit too clinical.

What do you think of the edit?

8 comments