A problem of we, you and I in a poem

Leanne, don't do that. You'll go blind.

Alcuin, I too had not heard of John Hartley Williams. It appears that he is a published poet with eight books to his name, so he appears to know something about poetry - how to get published at least. I too struggled to find any of his poems that I could admire. The exercise he set for his workshop is a good one though. I will play with it when I have time to spare to it.

What frustrates me about his comments on Dane's poem is that they were made in print and are there on the internet but I have no way to respond to them. I want to be able to tell her just how good I think it is. It's a poem I have kept a copy of for my collection.

As to my own, you may notice I have already made minor changes to the stanza you refer too. But I agree it really needs a full rewrite. Actually i'm not happy about much of the poem, but perhaps that's another matter. When it has been reworked I'll let you know. Title suggestions appreciated by the way. The current one was never more than a working title.

Also, one of the things I value highly about this website is that there are people here who are prepared to give honest opinion about each other's writing and give reasons. Keep it up and I'll try to do the same.