More in chase
chase
| << Previous |
This really didn't work for me. The lines
are short
short
short,
not so much in the 1st and last stanzas, but throughout most of the rest. It makes the whole tone repetitive, uninspiring. "Wings of passion" and "eternal flame of hope" and other such cliche tidbits don't help. The snippets of feeling/thought need more unity. I think the theme is a good one, but it needs fewer sentences and a more sincere tone, better choices of words.
are short
short
short,
not so much in the 1st and last stanzas, but throughout most of the rest. It makes the whole tone repetitive, uninspiring. "Wings of passion" and "eternal flame of hope" and other such cliche tidbits don't help. The snippets of feeling/thought need more unity. I think the theme is a good one, but it needs fewer sentences and a more sincere tone, better choices of words.
Alcuin
by Alcuin of York on Aug. 27 2007