More in My Skin Still Sings
My Skin Still Sings
Nice poem, with the metaphor maintained and developed throughout. The repetition of the refrain line does tend to grate because of the short stanza length, but I would not alter them. It's effective enough. I do suggest you consider adding an adjective to 'ocean' in S2. It feels to me like it's begging for a modifier.
Alcuin
by Alcuin of York on Aug. 27 2007