night

S1 begins in a rather pedestrian way. I think something more succinct would be better: "A clear sky / framed in fir" - or something similar - would set the scene better. You've used that kind of voice in the single-line S2, and it works well.

I like S4 the best. The first two lines repeat the "K" sound, making them musical, and the odd analogy of the third line catches us unaware. Very nice. Also, the poem's ending leaves us hanging, wondering what the wish was; also nice.

Alcuin