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Interesting. The message is expressed with a certain refinement some would call insincere, but if so, so was Shakespeare, and, after all, you are his head monkey. I use the same kind of expression from time to time. I find the style very attractive: Refined expression in sparse (not minimalist) form. The turns of phrases are nice too.
A few suggestions: S2L1: “nor what may lie behind”. The inverted “know I” sounds a bit too artificial, almost pretentious. S3L1: No comma should be after but. I suspect that an earlier version had “but” on a separate line. That’s ok too, but still, I think no comma. Finally, you might consider combining the first two lines of S3 on one line. It would convey a feeling of summation, and also contrast nicely with the two “kiss” lines.
Alcuin
A few suggestions: S2L1: “nor what may lie behind”. The inverted “know I” sounds a bit too artificial, almost pretentious. S3L1: No comma should be after but. I suspect that an earlier version had “but” on a separate line. That’s ok too, but still, I think no comma. Finally, you might consider combining the first two lines of S3 on one line. It would convey a feeling of summation, and also contrast nicely with the two “kiss” lines.
Alcuin
by Alcuin of York on June 8 2007