7. respiro

“Drowning is delightful” alliterates nicely, but seems off message, if you understand my meaning. It makes no sense given the desperation just expressed. On the other hand, the rest of that same strophe is absolutely delightful. I don’t care for “bubbled exhale” (actually a verb). Yes we understand it, but it seems rather unpoetic sounding. Perhaps “puff” or “grunt” would work better. At least, that’s my ear’s preference. I liked a lot of the imagery in this – the spider in the raindrop, the sun & Mercury; and I especially liked the phrases in S2.
Alcuin