~Flurry~

as each faded within the next

I like the idea, as expressed in this version -- the seasons (represented by their colours) without distinct boundaries, each 'dying' within the life of the next.

I wonder if within me might be a more compelling last line? It would suggest a tangible connection between narrator and subject (seasons, as metaphor), and provide a a conclusion to balance the introduction, both of which would directly address the narrator as (literal) subject.

That's just my take on it. Fascinating to see this progressively stripped down to its flesh, not that I'm admitting to voyeurism