Snow

As with all feedback, you're free to take or disregard whatever you feel works. As long as you recognize that my comments do not boil down to "this poem sucks." I think the core metaphor here is interesting, but I would enjoy it more if there were more concrete description and more of an emotional anchor. I suspect that if you do the old "put this poem in a drawer for a month" you'll look at it with very different eyes than you do right now.  Good luck with the revisions.

Brent