firmament

did you forget a 'blue' after the first "very, very" (line 6)?  If not, I think you need something there.  Nice use of metaphor in this poem.  Are you melancholy today?  20th anniversary of your grandmother's death? If so, I like the way you're turning this into poetry that doesn't just express your feelings, but rather uses a few tools to create poems that exist as events in their own right.  Further, in both these poems, you have a tight concept of structure that really works well to provide the bones on which you're layering the meat.  Both poems seem to need work, but really have what it takes to accomplish something special.  I hope you keep working on them.