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That's a great opening line. I love the a zen-allusion without the battering ram. The somewhat-self-referential second line is also interesting. I do wonder if an 'in' is needed between L3/4
L1 of S2 niggles at me a bit. I'm not sure why. I think perhaps because I'm trying to figure out if the water cries or is cried, then if both meanings can actually come the way it is written or not. 'ageless sands' borders a cliche a bit tightly for my taste, but the next line is wonderful.
The Last stanza is very good. To me, I find a sort of imploring quality, "PLEASE LET ME BE CONTENT", as well as a statement that it is right to be so. It seems almost an affirmation. "I am the vessel, content with emptiness. Let the wind blow over me. Let the water flow through me. Let the life grow out of me."
Quite interesting Emily and good.
L1 of S2 niggles at me a bit. I'm not sure why. I think perhaps because I'm trying to figure out if the water cries or is cried, then if both meanings can actually come the way it is written or not. 'ageless sands' borders a cliche a bit tightly for my taste, but the next line is wonderful.
The Last stanza is very good. To me, I find a sort of imploring quality, "PLEASE LET ME BE CONTENT", as well as a statement that it is right to be so. It seems almost an affirmation. "I am the vessel, content with emptiness. Let the wind blow over me. Let the water flow through me. Let the life grow out of me."
Quite interesting Emily and good.
by Anstey on Mar. 1 2008