for poets

very earnest feel to this piece.  I like the tone and pacing, the clarity of the message.  It seems to need some work, though not much - perhaps better vocabulary here and there, a typo in the phallus line, some phrasings that could be reworked.  No specific suggestions though - I'm exhausted today and don't feel like go to the trouble!  Anyway, first impressions.  I think its a pretty damn good draft.  or is it more than a draft?  I feel wishy washy today.